You are receiving this letter because you either wrote to us or you are a commercial real estate broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Today we'll talk abount financing for small apartments when they sell at super-low cap rates. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a hilarious video of an old Italian grandmother trying to use a new Google Home.

Joke Du Jour

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? Ten what? Ten months? Ten weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

Modern Journalism

Download Your Free Guide, "How To Find Houses To Flip"

Download your free guide here.

Hippo Joke

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Murphy's Law says that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Cole's Law is thinly sliced cabbage.

Apartment Financing Where the Cap Rate is Extremely Low

Have you ever tried to finance a small apartment building in a great area? They never cash flow. The reason why is because everyone wants to play the Apartment Game.

Here's the Apartment Game: You buy a 5-plex, wait five years, the rents go up, and then you sell at a big profit. You exchange the profits into a 12-unit building, wait five years, and then exchange into a 20-unit building. You eventually retire owning a 60-unit building - a fairly wealthy woman.

This demand for small apartments drives up the purchase price and results in VERY low cap rates. When the lender applies a 1.25 debt service coverage ratio, the net operating income will only suppport a loan of 67% loan-to-value. Who has 33% to put down?

Blackburne & Sons is a very aggressive private money commercial lender. We are absurdly bullish on commercial real estate. Blackburne & Sons will happily make permanent loans of 75% loan-to-value on small apartment buildings, even if they do not cash flow. Please click here to inquire.

Kangaroo Joke

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can't jump.

I can't take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

Hot-To-Trot To Make Fix and Flip Loans

Blackburne & Sons is making a huge push into fix and flip lending. Of course we will still make our private money permanent loans on commercial properties nationwide; but we are now also looking to make fix and flip loans in most states across the country.

Please click here to submit a fix and flip loan or a private money commercial loan or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Martin Sheen, Charlie's Dad, Now Plays a Gay Man in the Sitcom, Will and Grace

Jane Fonda is eighty-years-old, but she looks fantastic!

Quasimodo Joke

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says. "What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks. "I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."

Private Money Commercial Permanent Loans Nationwide From $100,000 to $3.5MM

Do you need a purchase money lender who will actually go to 75% loan-to-value? Banks never actually close deals at 75% LTV. Blackburne & Sons has decided to compete against banks by being far more aggressive on loan-to-value ratio. We are very bullish on commercial real estate.

Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage? Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit? Is your client's company losing money? Is your borrower a foreign national?

Do you need a non-recourse loan? Do you need a commercial loan with no prepayment penalty? Is your client's commercial property partially vacant? Do all of your commercial leases run out in the next 18 months? Do you need a lender who will allow a negative cash flow? Do you need a lender who will also look at the borrower's global income - income from salaries, other investments, etc.? Do you need a loan against a portfolio of single family homes?

Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a private money commercial loan or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Olympics Joke

I took part in the suntanning Olympics... but I only got bronze.

Not only is my new thesaurus terrible... it's also terrible.

Fix and Flip Leverage

You can get amazing leverage on fix and flip financing these days. Apply for a fix and flip loan here.

Fix and flip lenders, including Blackburne & Sons, will loan you 75% to 85% of the cost of the dilapidated house, plus 100% of the cost of the renovation, plus a four-month interest reserve.

Quite frankly, it's a helluva deal. Few other industries offer this kind of leverage. If you are not already flipping houses, it is something that you should consider.

I just wrote a wonderful article that explains everything you need to know about fix and flip financing.

My blog also has a number of very helpful articles about fix and flip financing. All of my 400 blog articles are free training lessons in commercial real estate finance. If you want to become a more successful broker, be sure to subscribe to my free blog.

Government Warning Joke

A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take:

• Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag
• Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
• 24 hours supply of food and drink
• De-icer 5 lbs of rock salt
• Flashlight with spare batteries
• Road flares and reflective triangles
• Tow rope
• 5 gallon gas can
• First aid kit
• Jumper cables

I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.

Only Blackburne & Sons Can Do This:

Blackburne & Sons has some truly unique and super cool programs:

1. We'll give you a bridge loan on your commercial property for only one point! There is no prepayment penalty.
   
   
2. We allow sellers to carry back a second mortgage behind our first mortgage.
   
   
3. We will actually lend up to a 75% loan-to-value ratio. Banks claim they will lend up to 75% LTV, but in real life they will only go 68% LTV.
   
   
4. We offer private money (loosey-goosey underwriting) commercial loans with 30-year payments and a 15-year term. Our competitors offer 2- to 3-year bridge loans. We offer 15-year permanent loans with no prepayment penalty. Never again will you have a balloon payment come due during a recession.
   
   
5. We have a terrific apartment permanent program that can compete with agency loans.
   
   
6. We buy commercial first mortgages (usually at a discount).
   
   
7. Instead of discounting your wonderful commercial first mortgage, consider pledging it as collateral for a smaller loan. This is called a hypothecation. We make loans secured by mortgage notes owned by the borrower.

Wasn't Me

Coffee Joke

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee, and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!” Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is indeed weird. The handle is the best part.“

Free Copy of the Blackburne List

The Blackburne List is a list of over 2,500 commercial lenders located nationwide. We just spent almost $30,000 and three months updating this list.

The Blackburne List is available for purchase for just $79.95. Is money tight? You can also buy one of our three Regional Lists (750+ lenders) for just $39.95. But why spend money at all?

We will trade you one of our three Regional Lists for the contact information of just one banker making commercial real estate loans. If you refer us three bankers, you will own the list for all three regions. Together you will own the entire Blackburne List.

There is another way that you can access The Blackburne List. Our newest portal, CommercialMortgage.com, is an online way to search the entire Blackburne List for the 30 lenders most suitable to make your loan. Use of CommercialMortgage.com is also 100% free!

Winnie the Pooh Joke

"What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally I had to take his bike away.

Sweet Apartment Program for "A" Deals

Blackburne & Sons has an incredible apartment loan program for "A" quality deals. The rate is adjusted according to the desirability of the property and the area, but it starts at 3.87% and 1 point for a fixed rate, 30-year fully-amortized loan. For more details, please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686.

Perfume Joke

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell, does that burn!

Do You Need a Commercial Loan Right Now?

If you need a non-prime, subprime, or slightly-flawed commercial loan, simply complete this super-easy mini-app to Blackburne & Sons.

If you need a bank-quality commercial mortgage loan right now from a life company, commercial bank, or conduit, you should enter your deal into C-Loans.com.

If you still can't find a commercial lender using C-Loans, then try CommercialMortgage.com.

Please keep in mind that the 3,159 commercial lenders on CommercialMortgage.com are different than the 750 commercial lenders on C-Loans.

Diet Joke

"Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser." "What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food scraps!"

One-Point Commercial Bridge Loans

Suppose you have listed a commercial property for sale, and the seller is getting antsy. You can often hold him off long enough to find a buyer by getting him a bridge loan. Blackburne & Sons offers a six-month bridge loan for just one point and no prepayment penalty. Please click here to submit a commercial bridge loan mini-app or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

This Explains a Lot

Bull Fight Joke (PG-13)

In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles. One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?” The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”

Two Ways To Earn Referral Fees For Commercial Loans - We Once Paid $21,250.

This one is an absolute no-brainer. You simply put a link to C-Loans.com on your real estate website. We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a guy who was asleep when the lead came in! Here are the details.

You can also referral commercial loans by hand. Here is our referral fee program.

Video - So Funny!

This Italian grandmother gets a Google Home.

On a Personal Note

I am the proud owner/father of three full-grown chickens that live in my back yard. I started raising them from chicks about 8 months ago and I have learned to love them like pets. Even without a rooster, they lay an egg every other day. They each have distinctive personalities and tendencies. There is a clear leader of the group and the others follow her like puppies. When I initially got the baby chicks, I thought raising them was going to be difficult. But it has actually been a breeze. That said, I used to have four chicks... I didn't account for the neighborhood hawk! :(

Don't Forget About C-Loans.com

We have a whole new crop of hungry commercial lenders on C-Loans, so if you have a commercial loan you're trying to place, it takes just four minutes to submit your deal to 750 commercial lenders. And remember, C-Loans.com is free!

Final Funny (Naughty But a Belly-Laugher)

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there is a rip in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "Oh, really? Damn!" says the little old lady. I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning."

"'Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there is a game, a lot of the fans come and pee through the bushes, right Into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper. Each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say, '$20 or off it comes!'"

"'Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well," says the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

Contact Information

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 Telephone: (574) 210-6686 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Bureau of Real Estate -- License Number 829677