You are receiving this letter because you either wrote to us or you are a commercial real estate broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Today we'll talk about how to meet bankers. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a video of some locals catching fish in a bone, dry desert.

Joke Du Jour

Once upon a time, there was a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z (a super-hot car back in the day) was the car to get.

The snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted '240-S'. The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?" The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving." Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car re- painted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

When My Pretty Wife and I Walk Our Three Dogs, Guess Who Carries the Poop?

Private Money Commercial Permanent Loans Nationwide From $100,000 to $3.5MM

Do you need a purchase money lender who will actually go to 75% loan-to-value? Blackburne & Sons has decided to compete against banks by being far more aggressive on loan-to-value ratio. We are very bullish on commercial real estate.

Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage? Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit? Is your client's company losing money? Is your borrower a foreign national?

Do you need a non-recourse loan? Do you need a commercial loan with no prepayment penalty? Is your client's commercial property partially vacant? Do all of your commercial leases run out in the next 18 months? Do you need a lender who will allow a negative cash flow? Do you need a lender who will also look at the borrower's global income - income from salaries, other investments, etc.? Do you need a loan against a portfolio of single family homes?

Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a private money commercial loan or call me, George Blackburne IV, at (916) 338-3232.

Scale Joke

"Darn!" the man said to his friend while weighing himself at the local drug store scale. "I started on a new diet, but the scale says I'm heavier than I was before." Turning to his friend, he said, "Here, hold my jacket." The scale still indicated that he had not lost any weight. "OK," he said to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies."

How To Meet Bankers

Bankers are notoriously moody and unpredictable when it comes to commercial real estate lending. One moment they love self storage loans, and the next moment, usually after a big loss, they wouldn't touch a self storage loan with a ten-foot pole. One moment the bank is as tight as a drum, and the next moment the bank will make a commercial loan on a so-so property to a recent bankrupt; all because the bank got a big commercial loan payoff, and they are flush with cash.

As a commercial broker, you therefore need multiple (6-10) bankers to whom to offer your deal. A bank is three-times more likely to approve a commercial loan if the property is located close to one of its branches. Therefore you want to meet all of the bankers located close to your brokerage office or close to your clients' income property.

It's easy to find nearby bankers. Simply go to maps.google.com. In the upper-left-hand corner, you will type in the address of your office or your commercial property. Lastly, click on the "Nearby" icon and then type, "banks." Voila! You have just identitified every bank located close to your office or the commercial property that you are trying to finance.

Now, finally, we will explain how to find bankers. Simply call up the nearby bank branch that you identified using Google. Be sure to ask the receptionist for a loan officer who handles commercial real estate loans. Once you reach the guy, make sure that the first words out of your mouth are the following, "Hi, Bob. My name is John Smith, a commercial broker. Did I catch you at a good time?" Those eight words are the keys to the kingdom.

Operation Joke

I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak.

The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said. "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on. "Now, do you have a living will?"

Only Blackburne & Sons Can Do This:

Blackburne & Sons has some truly unique and super cool programs:

1. We'll give you a bridge loan on your commercial property for only one point! There is no prepayment penalty.
   
   
2. We allow sellers to carry back a second mortgage behind our first mortgage.
   
   
3. We will actually lend up to a 75% loan-to-value ratio. Banks claim they will lend up to 75% LTV, but in real life they will only go 68% LTV.
   
   
4. We offer private money (loosey-goosey underwriting) commercial loans with a 15-year term. Our competitors offer 2- to 3-year bridge loans. We offer 15-year permanent loans with no prepayment penalty. Never again will you have a balloon payment come due during a recession.
   
   
5. We have a terrific apartment permanent program that can compete with agency loans.
   
   
6. We buy commercial first mortgages (usually at a discount).
   
   
7. Instead of discounting your wonderful commercial first mortgage, consider pledging it as collateral for a smaller loan. This is called a hypothecation. We make loans secured by mortgage notes owned by the borrower.

Glasses Joke

I believe my daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? Although she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses. I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"

Free Copy of the Blackburne List

The Blackburne List is a list of over 2,500 commercial lenders located nationwide. We just spent almost $30,000 and three months updating this list.

The Blackburne List is available for purchase for just $79.95. Is money tight? You can also buy one of our three Regional Lists (750+ lenders) for just $39.95. But why spend money at all?

We will trade you one of our three Regional Lists for the contact information of just one banker making commercial real estate loans. If you refer us three bankers, you will own the list for all three regions. Together you will own the entire Blackburne List.

There is another way that you can access The Blackburne List. Our newest portal, CommercialMortgage.com, is an online way to search the entire Blackburne List for the 30 lenders most suitable to make your loan. Use of CommercialMortgage.com is also 100% free!

My Sweet Wife Insists on Feeding the Local Feral Cats. Our Five Fat Cats Soon Develop Friendships With the Local 'Coons and 'Possums"

Gray Hair Joke

I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"

Sweet Apartment Program for "A" Deals

Blackburne & Sons has an incredible apartment loan program for "A" quality deals. The rate is adjusted according to the desirability of the property and the area, but it starts at 3.87% and 1 point for a fixed rate, 30-year fully-amortized loan. For more details, please call George Blackburne IV at (916) 338-3232.

Tracks Joke

Two blondes were walking through the woods when they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks." And the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued until the train hit them.

Do You Need a Commercial Loan Right Now?

If you need a non-prime, subprime, or slightly-flawed commercial loan, simply complete this super-easy mini-app to Blackburne & Sons.

If you need a bank-quality commercial mortgage loan right now from a life company, commercial bank, or conduit, you should enter your deal into C-Loans.com.

If you still can't find a commercial lender using C-Loans, then try CommercialMortgage.com.

Please keep in mind that the 3,159 commercial lenders on CommercialMortgage.com are different than the 750 commercial lenders on C-Loans.

Please come visit CommercialMortgage.com right now and take it for a free test drive. You do NOT need a real life commercial loan request. Just enter a dummy loan to see how it works. You will be impressed.

Football Doesn't Scramble Your Brains At All

In the words of NC State football great Charles Shackelford, "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

One-Point Commercial Bridge Loans

Suppose you have listed a commercial property for sale, and the seller is getting antsy. You can often hold him off long enough to find a buyer by getting him a bridge loan. Blackburne & Sons offers a six-month bridge loan for just one point and no prepayment penalty. Please click here to submit a commercial bridge loan mini-app or call me, George Blackburne IV at (916) 338-3232.

To Those Idiots Who Want Their Loving Wives To Get Plactic Surgery...

Grades Joke

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounted what he told a player who received four F's and one D, "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Two Ways To Earn Referral Fees For Commercial Loans - We Once Paid $21,250.

This one is an absolute no-brainer. You simply put a link to C-Loans.com on your real estate website. We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a guy who was asleep when the lead came in! Here are the details.

You can also referral commercial loans by hand. Here is our referral fee program.

Video - Five Short But Cool Fishing Clips

Includes locals catching fish in the bone, dry desert.

On a Personal Note

Two weeks ago, my little dog Mika (a 12lb Chihuahua and wiener dog mix) had a health scare. We had just come back home from a day hike and had left some dark chocolate candy bars in our backpacks. Exhausted from the hike, we dropped our packs and went about our day, completely forgetting about the candy bars. After a shower we went to lunch and when we came back, we found Mika acting very strangely.  We checked the office where the backpacks were and saw that Mika, being the tenacious dog that she is, had chewed through the backpack, gnawed off the lid of a tupperware container, and ate all of the chocolate. 

We rushed her to the doggie E.R. and found out that the chocolate had raised her blood pressure so much that she was in the “stroke danger zone”.  Luckily, we got there in time and the vets were able to lower her blood pressure and get her stabilized. 

I used to think vets were over exaggerating about the risks of chocolate with dogs, but this goes to show the danger is real.  With Halloween around the corner, be sure to watch your dogs!

Don't Forget About C-Loans.com

We have a whole new crop of hungry commercial lenders on C-Loans, so if you have a commercial loan you're trying to place, it takes just four minutes to submit your deal to 750 commercial lenders. And remember, C-Loans.com is free!

Final Funny (R)

Today marks the 35th anniversary of the death of Sir Douglas Bader, and I couldn't let it pass without this story about the Royal Air Force hero. He was giving a talk at an upmarket girls' school about his time as a pilot in the Second World War. "So there were two of the f***ers behind me, three f***ers to my right, and another f***er on the left," he told the audience.

The headmistress went pale and interjected, "Ladies, the Fokker was a German aircraft." Sir Douglas replied, "That is true, madam, but these f***ers were in Messerschmitts."

Contact Information

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 Telephone: (916) 338-3232 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Bureau of Real Estate -- License Number 829677