You are receiving this letter because you either wrote to us or you are a commercial real estate broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Today we'll kick around the idea that commercial brokerage may be seasonal; but first we are also going to splash you with cold water. Huh? We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and fun video for you.

Joke Du Jour

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out, cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get all hissy about it!"

That Splash of Cold Water

C'mom, guys, pay attention to Blackburne & Sons! [Splash!] We have some unique and super cool programs:

1. We'll give you a bridge loan on your commercial property for only one point! There is no prepayment penalty.
   
   
2. We are the only lender in the country offering small balance preferred equity. We'll raise as little as $100,000 if your client can't come up with 30-35% down.
   
   
3. We offer private money (loosey-goosey underwriting) commercial loans with a 15 year term. Our competitors offer 2 to 3 year bridge loans. We offer 15-year permanent loans with no prepayment penalty. Never again will you have a balloon payment come due during a recession.
   
   
4. We have a terrific apartment permanent program that can compete with Agency loans.

Sid Was the Sloth in the Kid's Movie, Ice Age

"He is the gooey, sticky stuff that holds us together."
-- Diego the Sabretooth

Private Money Commercial Loans Nationwide From $100,000 to $3.5MM

Is your client's commercial property partially-vacant? Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage? Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit? Is your client's company losing money? Need a non-recourse commercial loan? We make slightly scratched-and-dented commercial loans.

Our hot, new product is a blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. Rental homes? Yup, as long as there are at least five homes or units, we consider this to be a commercial loan. We even offer a partial release clause. This loan is ideal for speculators.

Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a private money commercial loan or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Marry Me Joke

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said, "Yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying, 'Yes,' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

Seasonality in the Commercial Brokerage Business

In the commercial real estate finance business, March is a great month for commercial mortgage loan demand. But when April rolls along, there is not a commercial borrower to be found. Every year our phones just die in April. An old veteran once told me, "Sometimes, George, you just have to go fishing."

I think the reason is because commercial property borrowers have just spent several agonizing weeks fetching papers for their CPA's. The last thing they are in the mood for in April is to now fetch additional papers for some commercial lender.

With private mortgage investors, however, the situation is completely flipped. Raising money is historically harder in March because investors are busy fetching their own income tax papers for their CPA's. But come April, private mortgage investors are positively ravenous for new first mortgage investments. It's maddening because in April there are almost zero commercial mortgage borrowers to be found. Arghh!

It seems to me that if I was a commercial broker, I would work my hardest in April offering real estate investors commercial-investment properties or investments in real estate syndications. I would guess that - like mortgage investors - real estate investors are in the mood to invest in April.

Am I right?

If you need a bank-quality commercial loan from a life company, commercial bank, or conduit, you should enter your deal into C-Loans.com.

If you need a non-prime or subprime commercial loan, simply complete this super-easy mini-app to Blackburne & Sons.

Very Funny, Dad!

Penguin Joke

Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert?
A: Lost.

One-Point Commercial Bridge Loans

Suppose you have listed a commercial property for sale, and the seller is getting antsy. You can often hold him off long enough to find a buyer by getting him a bridge loan. Blackburne & Sons offers a six-month bridge loan for just one point and no prepayment penalty. Please click here to submit a commercial bridge loan mini-app or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Strength Joke

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young guy replied. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."

Buying or Selling a Commercial Property? We'll Help Your Buyer With His Down Payment!

No one else in the entire country does what we do. We add our equity dollars - not debt dollars - to your buyer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy the bank.

The reason you need us is because banks are now requiring a 40% down payment on the purchase of most commercial-investment properties. To make matters worse, most banks today will not even allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage.

Does your buyer really want to put down 40% of the purchase price? Our small-balance preferred equity solves your problem. Please click here for more information about our preferred equity.

Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980) is a commercial private money lender. We will allow second mortgages behind our own first mortgages!

Please click here to apply for preferred equity or a private money commercial mortgage. You can also call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Costume Notes

It's Halloween, and this woman has nothing to wear. She puts a sheet over her head, sticks horns on it, and goes to work. A co-worker asks her what she is dressed as. She replies, "Bull Sheet."

Disco Turtle

Sweet Apartment Program for "A" Deals

Blackburne & Sons has an incredible apartment loan program for "A" quality deals. The rate is adjusted according to the desirability of the property and the area, but it starts at 3.87% and 1 point for a fixed rate, 30-year fully-amortized loan. For more details, please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686.

Spider Joke

Q: What did the spider say to the bee?
A: Your honey or your life!

Two Ways To Earn Referral Fees For Commercial Loans

This one is an absolute no-brainer. You simply put a link to C-Loans.com on your real estate website. We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a guy who was asleep when the lead came in! Here are the details.

You can also referral commercial loans by hand. Here is our referral fee program.

Door Lock Joke

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, but before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me. "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either." Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?" John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else... I lick the lock."

Beer Bottle Music Video

These guys are really good.

On a Personal Note

As promised, I have an update on the results of the Murder Mystery Birthday Party. When the power went out briefly on the cruise ship Indianapolis, we were all shocked to discover the flashy showgirl had been stabbed to death in the lounge!

After an intense investigation we discovered that I, the flirtatious bartender, was not the killer. So you guys can rest easy, I am not a murderer after all. Unfortunately, it turns out that I am living with a cold-blooded killer. My very own girlfriend was the murderer! She says she would never kill me, but can we really trust a killer?

Our next adventure will be a life long dream of mine. I have always wanted to go camping in Yellowstone national park. Later this summer, I am planning a Yellowstone trip with my family and best friend. We are going to drive to Wyoming, stopping at tourist traps like Mount Rushmore along the way. I have reviewed all the material and luckily we have everything we need. Well, everything except the bear spray. I plan to get a few extra cans of spray, just in case!

Don't Forget About C-Loans.com

We have a whole new crop of hungry commercial lenders on C-Loans, so if you have a commercial loan you're trying to place, it takes just four minutes to submit your deal to 750 commercial lenders. And remember, C-Loans.com is free!

Final Funny

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three." "Three?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.

The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "Oh no," the man said, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not."

Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates interrupted, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed."

Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "Well it....no, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affair with his wife.

Contact Information

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 Telephone: (574) 210-6686 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Bureau of Real Estate -- License Number 829677