You are receiving this letter because you either wrote to us or you are a commercial real estate broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Today we'll talk about the why interest rates on CMBS commercial loans are about to rise painfully. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and funny video for you.

Joke Du Jour

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path, and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon, only to find that the native had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I just soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances, anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not back then - just now when I went, "ROARRRR!''"

Take Me To Your Leader

Private Money Commercial Loans Nationwide From $100,000 to $3.5MM

Is your client's commercial property partially-vacant? Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage? Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit? Is your client's company losing money? Need a non-recourse commercial loan? We make slightly scratched-and-dented commercial loans.

Our hot, new product is a blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. Rental homes? Yup, as long as there are at least five homes or units, we consider this to be a commercial loan. We even offer a partial release clause. This loan is ideal for speculators.

Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a private money commercial loan or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Hippie Joke

Q: Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
A: Because he was too far out, man.

CMBS Loans to Get More Expensive

In the wake of the Great Recession and the enormous losses suffered by buyers of mortgage-backed securities, the Dodd-Frank bill changed the rules. Starting in December, whenever a commercial bank or an investment bank syndicates a portfolio of commercial loans, that bank or investment bank must retain 5% of these securities for at least five years. This discourages a bank from dumping an over-leveraged commercial loan into its securitization pool.

The big players in the commercial mortgage-backed securities business are Wells Fargo & Company, Deutsche Bank AG and JP Morgan Chase & Company. These banks are not crazy about the idea of holding onto 5% of every commercial mortgage they originate. It dilutes their return on capital. To compensate, these banks are expected to raise their interest rates on conduit quality commercial loans in the near future. Therefore if you have a commercial mortgage borrower who is procrastinating, kick him in the rear!

If you need a bank-quality commercial loan from a life company, commercial bank, or conduit, you should enter your deal into C-Loans.com.

If you need a non-prime or subprime commercial loan, simply complete this super-easy mini-app.

As Wally Cleaver Used To Say, "You Really Did It This Time, Beaver."

Confused? Wally was Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver's kind, older brother in the long-running 1950's sit-com, "Leave It To Beaver."

Tony Dow (Wally), after battling depression, went on to become a reknown painter and sculptor.

Quiet Joke

"According to a new study, women are more attracted to men who talk less. Which is why you often overhear women say, 'Check out that mime.'" -- Conan O'Brien

One-Point Commercial Bridge Loans

Suppose you have listed a commercial property for sale, and the seller is getting antsy. You can often hold him off long enough to find a buyer by getting him a bridge loan. Blackburne & Sons offers a six-month bridge loan for just one point and no prepayment penalty. Please click here to submit a commercial bridge loan mini-app or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

School Notes Joke

These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi school district. (Mispellings have been left intact.)

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John Henry being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Buying or Selling a Commercial Property? We'll Help Your Buyer With His Down Payment!

No one else in the entire country does what we do. We add our equity dollars - not debt dollars - to your buyer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy the bank.

The reason you need us is because banks are now requiring a 40% down payment on the purchase of most commercial-investment properties. To make matters worse, most banks today will not even allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage.

Does your buyer really want to put down 40% of the purchase price? Our small-balance preferred equity solves your problem. Please click here for more information about our preferred equity.

Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980) is a commercial private money lender. We will allow second mortgages behind our own first mortgages!

Please click here to apply for preferred equity or a private money commercial mortgage. You can also call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

More School Notes

Ethel Pearl could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Willie being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Ain't It the Truth

Sweet Apartment Program for "A" Deals

Blackburne & Sons has an incredible apartment loan program for "A" quality deals. The rate is adjusted according to the desirability of the property and the area, but it starts at 3.87% and 1 point for a fixed rate, 30-year fully-amortized loan. For more details, please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686.

Switzerland Joke

Q: What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
A: I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

Two Ways To Earn Referral Fees For Commercial Loans

This one is an absolute no-brainer. You simply put a link to C-Loans.com on your real estate website. We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a guy who was asleep when the lead came in! Here are the details.

You can also referral commercial loans by hand. Here is our referral fee program.

Elephant Robbery Joke

A jeweler called the police station to report a robbery. "You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away." The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?" "What's the difference?" asked the jeweler. "Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears." "Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweler. "He had a stocking over his head."

Funny Video

How pork sausage is made.

Don't worry! It's just a gag.

On a Personal Note

This coming weekend is my girlfriend’s birthday. To celebrate, we decided to do a murder mystery party! A dozen or so of our friends have volunteered to participate, and the theme is "Murder On the High Seas". The plot is that one of the guests abroad the cruise ship Indianapolis will die sometime during our cocktail hour. Like a living game of Clue, we won't know who the victim is until the cards are drawn. The survivors will all be given bits and pieces of information about who the real killer is. I will be playing the role of a flirtatious bartender. Will I be the victim? I certainly hope not (although I am pretty sure my girlfriend has had fantasies of bludgeoning me to death with a candle stick in our living room). Maybe I will be the killer? Could it be that a bloodthirsty murderer lurks behind this devilish smile? Stay tuned and find out how it ends!

Don't Forget About C-Loans.com

We have a whole new crop of hungry commercial lenders on C-Loans, so if you have a commercial loan you're trying to place, it takes just four minutes to submit your deal to 750 commercial lenders. And remember, C-Loans.com is free!

Final Funny

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?"

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that, and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood."

I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call, and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. Then I proceeded to tell him that we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. My wife asked me, as I returned to the table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.

Contact Information

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 Telephone: (574) 210-6686 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Bureau of Real Estate -- License Number 829677