You are receiving this letter because you either wrote to us or you are a commercial real estate broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Today we'll talk about life insurance company correspondents. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and for you fellow Neanderthals who watch mixed martial art fights, a video with a collection of knockouts. Ouch!

Joke Du Jour

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was some serious concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues, it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

The MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always post a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could easily shout, "Cah," not a single one could shout, "Truck."

Kids, Don't Make Me Come Up There

One-Point Commercial Bridge Loans

Suppose you have listed a commercial property for sale, and the seller is getting antsy. You can often hold him off long enough to find a buyer by getting him a bridge loan. Blackburne & Sons offers a six-month bridge loan for just one point and no prepayment penalty. Please click here to submit a commercial bridge loan mini-app or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

1743 Joke

"Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking his parents for money. On the bright side, just this year his student loans were finally paid off." -- Conan O'Brien

Life Insurance Company Correspondents

Life insurance companies offer by far the lowest rates on large commercial permanent loans. You will recall that a permanent loan is just a garden variety first mortgage on a commercial property, with a term of at least 5 years and with at least some amortization, typically 25 years.

When you are the prettiest girl at the dance, lots of guys want to ask you to dance. Screening twenty loan requests per day takes a lot of time. In addition, it doesn't make sense for most life insurance companies to open regional offices throughout the country, especially when the typical life company makes fewer than 30 loans per year - but these are huge, huge loans.

Therefore most life companies employ correspondents. A correspondent is a commercial mortgage company that has the exclusive right to make commercial loans in a given region for a particular life company. The correspondent does all of the site inspections for prospective loans in that region for that life company. It then services the loan (collects the payments and handles any foreclosures) for that life company. If you were to call a life insurance company directly, they would ask you for the location of the property and then refer you to the appropriate correspondent. You can apply to a dozen different life companies using C-Loans.com.

Need a commercial loan? Simply complete this super-easy mini-app.

In Fairness, I Was Right Behind Her

Age Joke

I was applying for a job, and the employment application clearly stated: "Age of Father (if living)," and the same question for my Mother. I put down the figures 105 and 94 in the spaces provided. The interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old. I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."

Private Money Commercial Loans Nationwide From $100,000 to $3.5MM

Is your client's commercial property partially-vacant? Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage? Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit? Is your client's company losing money? Need a non-recourse commercial loan? We make slightly scratched-and-dented commercial loans.

Our hot, new product is a blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. Rental homes? Yup, as long as there are at least five homes or units, we consider this to be a commercial loan. We even offer a partial release clause. This loan is ideal for speculators.

Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a private money commercial loan or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

God's Email Joke

One day God was looking down on Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out, so he called one of his best angels and sent her to Earth for a while. When she returned, she told God, "Yes it is bad on Earth - 95% of the people are bad and only 5% are good." God considered this news for a moment and then decided to send a second angel to get another point of view. When the second angel returned, he too reported that the Earth was in decline. Ninety-five percent of the people were bad, and just 5% were good. God was saddened, but he decided to send an e-mail to the good 5% in order to encourage them and to give them strength. Do you know what that e-mail said? Oh, you didn't get one either, huh?

Buying or Selling a Commercial Property? We'll Help Your Buyer With His Down Payment!

No one else in the entire country does what we do. We add our equity dollars - not debt dollars - to your buyer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy the bank.

The reason you need us is because banks are now requiring a 40% down payment on the purchase of most commercial-investment properties. To make matters worse, most banks today will not even allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage.

Does your buyer really want to put down 40% of the purchase price? Our small-balance preferred equity solves your problem. Please click here for more information about our preferred equity.

Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980) is a commercial private money lender. We will allow second mortgages behind our own first mortgages!

Please click here to apply for preferred equity or a private money commercial mortgage. You can also call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Locks Joke

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. Whenever I go out, I always lock every other one. I figure, no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three for each three they unlock!

I Feel So Foolish

Sweet Apartment Program for "A" Deals

Blackburne & Sons has an incredible apartment loan program for "A" quality deals. The rate is adjusted according to the desirability of the property and the area, but it starts at 3.87% and 1 point for a fixed rate, 30-year fully-amortized loan. For more details, please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686.

Jeb Bush Joke

"According to Politico, the new most-searched-for phrase associated with Jeb Bush is, 'Is Jeb Bush still running for president?' Even worse, it’s the most-searched-for phrase on Jeb Bush’s computer." -- Seth Meyers

Two Ways To Earn Referral Fees For Commercial Loans

This one is an absolute no-brainer. You simply put a link to C-Loans.com on your real estate website. We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a guy who was asleep when the lead came in! Here are the details.

You can also referral commercial loans by hand. Here is our referral fee program.

Charity Joke

"The World Giving Index released a report yesterday that found for the first time ever, men are more likely than women to donate money to charity. And even MORE likely to donate to Charity's friends - Crystal, Bambi, and Cinnamon." -- Jimmy Fallon

Video - 10 Muay Thai Knockouts

Pretty violent. Watch at your own risk.

On a Personal Note

For my birthday, my girlfriend took me to a 49ers football game. Being a 49er fan in the midwest, I rarely get to see them play so I was thrilled when I found out I was going to see them live play the Bears in Chicago. It was a phenomenal game that ended in a 49er victory due to a 70 yard touch down pass in overtime. After the game, I reflected on the cost it was just to attend. In truth, it cost us close to $1,000! $400 tickets, $50 for parking, $30 for the shuttle from the parking lot to the stadium, $10 per beer, $11 per hotdog, $15 to use the toll roads, $80 in gas - the expenses can go on and on. While the 49ers overtime victory made it all worth while, I honestly don’t know how people can afford to go to more than 1 game a year. Go niners!

Don't Forget About C-Loans.com

We have a whole new crop of hungry commercial lenders on C-Loans, so if you have a commercial loan you're trying to place, it takes just four minutes to submit your deal to 750 commercial lenders. And remember, C-Loans.com is free!

Final Funny

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:

(Actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. , from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our (darn) loan?"

The loan was approved.

Contact Information

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 Telephone: (574) 210-6686 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Bureau of Real Estate -- License Number 829677