You are receiving this letter because you either wrote to us or you are a commercial real estate broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Today we'll talk about why you should never trust a bank to approve a commercial loan. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, funny pics, and a kinda scary video for you.

Joke Du Jour

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with the consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Poor young Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the FORKS, Luke."

New Beer From Up North

Never Trust a Bank To Approve a Commercial Loan

Banks can find a million reasons to turn down a commercial loan. The loan could be too large, too small, or located too far away from the bank. The commercial building could be made out of brick, and the bank has just had a structural problem on a totally different brick building. Now the bank is against lending on any brick building. The property could be a gorgeous, new, state of-the-art self-storage project, only to have the bank turn the deal down because it had just lost money on a 50-year-old, functionally obsolete, self-storage project.

The bank could be suffering liquidity issues. It simply doesn't have a lot of lendable cash sitting around right now. The bank could also be fully-invested, with a loan-to-deposit ratio far in excess of a prudent 80% to 90%. (Remember this important ratio and the target of 80% to 90%.)

The bank could be over-concentrated in office building loans or shopping center loans. The bank could be too heavily invested in commercial loans altogether. The bank could easily be having regulatory problems, with regulators suspiciously sniffing every single new loan - especially commercial loans.

The smart commercial broker will back up every commercial loan that he submits to a bank with a loan approval letter from Blackburne & Sons. We charge nothing to issue back-up loan approval letters because we know that banks can be counted upon to turn down perfectly good commercial loans at least 40% of the time.

Need a commercial loan? Simply complete this super-easy mini-app.

Little Brother Joke

A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," the boy said. "Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?" "Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."

Buying or Selling a Commercial Property? We'll Help Your Buyer With His Downpayment!

No one else in the entire country does what we do. We add our equity dollars - not debt dollars - to your buyer's downpayment to create a downpayment large enough to satisfy the bank.

The reason you need us is because banks are now requiring a 40% downpayment on the purchase of most commercial-investment properties. To make matters worse, most banks today will not even allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage.

Does your buyer really want to put down 40% of the purchase price? Our small-balance preferred equity solves your problem. Please click here for more information about our preferred equity.

Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980) is a commercial private money lender. We will allow second mortgages behind our own first mortgages!

Please click here to apply for preferred equity or a private money commercial mortgage. You can also call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

"If Evolution Really Works, How Come Mothers Only Have Two Hands?" -- Milton Berle

Santa Joke

A man went to see a psychiatrist. "Doc,", he said, "you've got to help me. I have a terrible fear of Santa Claus." "Santa Claus?" the doctor replies. "Yes!" the man replied. "You know, St. Nick, Kris Kringle, Santa Claus. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replied... "I'm afraid you have a bad case of CLAUStrophobia."

Private Money Commercial Loans Nationwide From $100,000 to $3.5MM

Is your client's commercial property partially-vacant? Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage? Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit? Is your client's company losing money? Need a non-recourse commercial loan? We make slightly scratched-and-dented commercial loans.

Our hot, new product is a blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. Rental homes? Yup, as long as there are at least five homes or units, we consider this to be a commercial loan. We even offer a partial release clause. This loan is ideal for speculators.

Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a private money commercial loan or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Racehorse Joke

Some racehorses are staying in the track's barn. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well, in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!" "Oh, that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28," says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

One Point Commercial Bridge Loans

Suppose you have listed a commercial property for sale, and the seller is getting antsy. You can often hold him off long enough to find a buyer by getting him a bridge loan. Blackburne & Sons offers a six-month bridge loan for just one point. Please click here to submit a commercial bridge loan mini-app or call me, Tom Blackburne, at (574) 210-6686.

Could It Be That It Was All So Simple Then?

Barbara Streisand sings, "The Way We Were"

New Apartment Program for "A" Deals

Blackburne & Sons has an incredible apartment loan program for "A" quality deals. The rate is adjusted according to the desirability of the property and the area, but it starts at 3.87% and 1 point for a 30-year fully-amortized loan. For more details, please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686.

Large Family Joke

The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby. "When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them." "Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."

Too Busy to Broker Commercial Loans to Us? Why Not Just Refer Them Instead? We Make It Easy!

We once paid a $21,250 referral fee. Here is our referral fee program.

Fungus Joke

While driving with my daughter and her husband, I noticed that the woman in the car ahead of us had a rather odd vanity plate. "That's weird," I said, pointing to it. "Why would anyone want to boast about mold on their car?" "Call me crazy," said my son-in-law after deciphering the phrase, "but I believe that reads 'FUN-GAL.'"

Video - Owl Terrorizes a Florida Neighborhood

This video is kinda cool but kinda scary too

On a Personal Note

It’s funny how your opinion about things change as you get older. The things you used to love no longer interest you. Let’s take Christmas, for example.

My birthday is right after Christmas. So, growing up, Christmas was always my favorite time of the year. It was all about opening lots of presents, Christmas trees, and jolly old Santa Clause. But now, it is more about braving the cold, managing the stress from your children, thinking of what to get your family, dealing with the in-laws, and not getting what you really want - a simple, relaxing time away from work. While I am looking forward to my Starbucks gift card or new set of Top Flight golf balls, Christmas no longer gives me that same excitement as it used to. But with all that said, the silver lining is that it gives me an excuse to spoil my daughter. And seeing her excitement makes it all worthwhile.

Don't Forget About C-Loans.com

We have a whole new crop of hungry commercial lenders on C-Loans, so if you have a commercial loan you're trying to place, it takes just four minutes to submit your deal to 750 commercial lenders. And remember, C-Loans.com is free!

Final Funny

My wife had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while she was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her butt to the toilet seat. About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. She wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. (Try to get a mental picture of this). She tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before." The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them... I just never saw one mounted and framed."

Contact Information

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 telephone: (574) 210-6686 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Bureau of Real Estate -- License Number 01330173