C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we're going to talk about how North Korea could actually defeat the U.S. in a war by striking first with an EMP device. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots
of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a gross but funny video.
Joke Du Jour
A very mud-streaked and dirty little boy came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready to play the game, his mother said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "Wow!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!”
Let the Joust Begin
Please insert Grow Up Pic here
How North Korea Might Defeat the U.S.
If the war broke out, you and your family would statistically be fatalities, even if you lived 100 miles from the nearest big city. This is according to the testimony of an EMP expert who recently testified before Congress:
Unbeknownst to most Americans, North Korea already possesses at least two satellites that orbit directly over North America. Conceivably, those satellites could already be carrying nuclear warheads and re-entry shielding, allowing North Korea to “drop” nukes into the atmosphere over North America.
By detonating those nukes at altitude (perhaps 150 – 500 miles high), an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) attack would be initiated that could take down the entire national power grid. A grid down scenario could kill 90% of the American people in the aftermath of a broken society. (I recently wondered why North Korea was so busy launching satellites. More on North Korea below.)
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Trash Joke
"According to a new report, by 2050, the world's oceans will contain more plastic trash than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There's plenty of trash in the sea." -- Seth Meyers
North Korea, Part II
On May 8th, the House Homeland Security Subcommittee on Infrastructure conducted a hearing entitled, “Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP): Threat to Critical Infrastructure.” Testifying at the hearing was Dr. Peter Pry, a member of the Congressional EMP Commission and executive director of the Task Force on National and Homeland Security, told the Subcommittee that the issue is urgent because an EMP event could wipe out nine-tenths of the nation’s population through starvation, disease, and societal collapse.
In an op-ed to The Hill, Dr. Pry recently wrote: North Korea has nuclear-armed missiles and satellites potentially capable of electromagnetic pulse (EMP) attack. EMP is considered by many the most politically acceptable use of a nuclear weapon, because the high-altitude detonation (above 30 kilometers) produces no blast, thermal, or radioactive fallout effects harmful to people.
EMP itself is harmless to people, destroying only electronics. But by destroying electric grids and other life-sustaining critical infrastructures, the indirect effects of EMP can kill far more people in the long-run than nuclear blasting a city. In this scenario, North Korea makes an EMP attack on Japan and South Korea to achieve its three most important foreign policy goals: reunification with South Korea, revenge upon Japan for World War II, and recognition of North Korea as a world power.
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Winnie the Pooh Joke
Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
A: Show me the honey!
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If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower to either CommercialMortgage.com (probably an easier web site name to remember) or C-Loans.com?
CommercialMortgage.com sure better be easier to remember! We paid $100,000 just for that domain name.
If none of our 4,000 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal
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Poor Grades Joke
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."
North Korea, Part III
Revenge against Tokyo is a convenient rationale for someday attacking Japan. War against Japan will be necessary for the North to conquer South Korea, as Japan is an indispensable staging area for U.S. and allied forces defending South Korea.
North Korea's dictator, Kim Jong Un, is the scion of three generations of totalitarian rule, a megalomaniac and ruthless murderer described by state media as a demigod having supernatural powers. Kim’s strategy is to sever U.S. security guarantees to South Korea and Japan by raising the stakes too high—raising the specter of nuclear war—and through "nuclear diplomacy" to cow the U.S. and its allies into submission.
In this scenario, North Korea detonates a nuclear weapon at 96 kilometers HOB (height of burst) over Tokyo. The EMP field extends from the Japanese capital to a radius of 1,080 kilometers, covering all of Japan's major home islands. Virtually all of Japan's major military bases and seaports are covered by the EMP field, rendering them inoperable. Traffic control towers and systems are damaged and blacked-out stopping air and rail traffic. Highways are jammed with stalled vehicles. Communications systems are damaged or destroyed or in blackout.
Even worse, Japan's population of 126 million people is at risk because suddenly there is no running water or food coming into the cities. EMP induced industrial accidents are happening everywhere. Gas pipelines are exploding and turning into firestorms in towns and cities. Refineries and chemical plants are exploding, releasing toxic clouds and poisonous spills. Tokyo knows from the experience of Fukushima that as the nationwide blackout becomes protracted, within days Japan's nuclear reactors will exhaust their emergency power supplies and begin exploding, contaminating the home islands with radioactivity.
I Can Stop Anytime I Want
Please insert First Step pic here
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Football Joke
Upon hearing pro foothball player, Joe Jacobi, of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
North Korea, Part IV - We Possibly Lose
As a consequence of the EMP attack, Japan's critical infrastructures are paralyzed and incapable of transporting U.S. forces to aid South Korea. Indeed, with Japan's survival at risk, Tokyo would probably oppose any effort to help South Korea by U.S. forces staging from Japan, fearing another North Korean EMP attack.
The EMP field also covers the eastern half of South Korea, including the vital seaport of Busan (the key to South Korea's survival and U.S. victory in the last Korean War). All the eastern coastal seaports, and all military bases and airfields in the eastern half of South Korea (nearest Japan) are under the EMP field. The EMP field does not extend to North Korea.
Left uncovered by the EMP field are the western half of South Korea, including Seoul, the capital, and the major highway systems radiating around and from Seoul southward—the best invasion routes. Stalled traffic from the EMP will not be blocking Seoul or the highways. U.S. and South Korean forces covering the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) will not be covered by the EMP field. The EMP field, in their immediate rear area, will cause cascading failures of the electric grid throughout the DMZ and the entirety of South Korea. Thus, even those U.S. and South Korean forces not covered by the EMP field will be in a paralyzing protracted blackout that will cripple or deny allied forces communications, transportation, food and water, supplies and reinforcements from South Korean bases or from overseas.
The EMP attack creates conditions for North Korea's conquest of South Korea that are ideal. North Korean armor and infantry pours across the DMZ, thrusting through and around Seoul and down the coastal highways, flanking U.S. and allied forces paralyzed by EMP and unable to maneuver.
U.S. nuclear missiles and bombers start blasting North Korea’s nuclear forces and underground bunkers where the Dear Leader may be hiding. Now Kim Jong Un knows he has miscalculated. The U.S. is no paper tiger.
In a final act of vengeance, Kim detonates the super-EMP warhead in his KMS-4 satellite, blacking out the United States. Airliners crash. Communications and transportation stop. Natural gas pipelines explode, causing firestorms in cities. In seven days, 100 U.S. nuclear reactors go Fukushima. In a year, most Americans are dead from starvation. The United States, Japan, South Korea, and North Korea are in ruins. Russia and China are the winners.
Dr. Pry ends with this admonition: "Mr. President, harden the U.S. electrical grid to defend against an EMP attack, and shoot down those North Korean satellites!"
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Rental Car Joke
A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see. One of the sights was a bridge that was more than 1,000 feet above the river. Walking out onto the bridge, they noticed it swaying in the wind. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," one said to the other. "What are you worried about"? the second replied. "It's a rental."
North Korea, Post Script
The frightening scenario described above is not my invention, and I ecourage you to google the subject. This testimony before Congress actually took place.
I remember thinking to myself earlier in the year, right after North Korea launched its second satellite into space, "What on earth are they doing? They can't just use Google Maps? There's got to be something more going on here."
In the 1967 War, Israel struck first. Israeli jets wiped out most of Egypt's airforce in a single stroke. On December 7th, 1941, Japan could have wiped out most of our carriers, but for some bad luck. There are a lot of precedents in history for a first strike.
Last week North Korea fired a missile over Japanese airspace. Terrified Japanese school children were rushed to ... well, there wasn't any shelter for them. Yesterday Nikki Haley, our ambassador to the United Nations, said that "North Korea was begging for war."
And if North Korea does use an EMP weapon to fry every electronic device in Japan and the southeastern portion of South Korea, what does President Trump do? Does he deliver his promised fire and fury? By doing so, does he doom us to absorb an EMP attack over the continental U.S.? Or does President Trump blink, allowing North Korean tanks to roll into Seoul? Remember what Steve Bannon said, "There is no military solution... they got us."
Is war with North Korea inevitable? Of course not; but the chances are no longer trivial. This week I bought a three-month's food supply for my family from Amazon.com. (I am pretty pleased with Amazon. My emergency food supply arrived in only two days.) Just like disability insurance, I hope its a foolish waste of money.
Inheritance Joke
After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, the unhappy husband finally confronted her: "Admit it, Linda. The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me $10 million." "Don't be ridiculous," she replied. "I don't care who left it to you."
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Grades Joke
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
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Old West Joke
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Happiness is All About Your Attitude
Line-Up Joke
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height..," And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
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Video - Trending Videos November 2016
Caution: Some are pretty gross - funny but gross.
Designated Driver Joke
"The
problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job.
But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end
of the night, just drop them off at the wrong house." -- Jeff Foxworthy
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Final Funny (R)
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" And the man said, "I was looking for my father."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com or to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!
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